If only, if only. Those were the two words that stuck in my head as I pondered and prayed about this passage! It’s part of Hannah’s fervent prayer for a son, which you are about to hear. This passage introduces her story, a woman deeply troubled by her inability to have children. And remember, in those times women, unable to bear children, especially male children, were at the mercy of the husbands. It sets the stage for the birth of Samuel, one of Israel’s greatest prophets and leaders. Hannah’s sorrow drives her to fervent prayer in the temple, where she makes a vow to God: if she is given a son, she will dedicate him to God’s service for his entire life. God hears Hannah’s prayer, and she gives birth to a son, Samuel, whose name means “heard by God.” True to her promise, Hannah later brings Samuel to the temple to serve under Eli, symbolizing her faith and devotion. Let’s listen to these words as they are written in 1 Samuel 1: 1-20:
There was a certain man of Ramathaim, a Zuphite[a] from the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah son of Jeroham son of Elihu son of Tohu son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. 2 He had two wives; the name of one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children. 3 Now this man used to go up year by year from his town to worship and to sacrifice to the Lord of hosts at Shiloh, where the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, were priests of the Lord. 4 On the day when Elkanah sacrificed, he would give portions to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters, 5 but to Hannah he gave a double portion[b] because he loved her, though the Lord had closed her womb. 6 Her rival used to provoke her severely, to irritate her, because the Lord had closed her womb. 7 So it went on year by year; as often as she went up to the house of the Lord, she used to provoke her. Therefore Hannah wept and would not eat.
8 Her husband Elkanah said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? Why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?” 9 After they had eaten and drunk at Shiloh, Hannah rose and presented herself before the Lord.[c] Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat beside the doorpost of the temple of the Lord. 10 She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly.
11 She made this vow: “O Lord of hosts, if only you will look on the misery of your servant and remember me and not forget your servant but will give to your servant a male child, then I will set him before you as a nazirite until the day of his death. He shall drink neither wine nor intoxicants,[d] and no razor shall touch his head.” 12 As she continued praying before the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. 13 Hannah was praying silently; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard; therefore Eli thought she was drunk.
14 So Eli said to her, “How long will you make a drunken spectacle of yourself? Put away your wine.”
15 But Hannah answered, “No, my lord, I am a woman deeply troubled; I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have been pouring out my soul before the Lord. 16 Do not regard your servant as a worthless woman, for I have been speaking out of my great anxiety and vexation all this time.”
17 Then Eli answered, “Go in peace; the God of Israel grant the petition you have made to him.”
18 And she said, “Let your servant find favor in your sight.” Then the woman went her way and ate and drank with her husband,[e] and her countenance was sad no longer.[f]
19 They rose early in the morning and worshiped before the Lord; then they went back to their house at Ramah. Elkanah had sex with his wife Hannah, and the Lord remembered her. 20 In due time Hannah conceived and bore a son. She named him Samuel, for she said, “I have asked him of the Lord.”
There is so much to unpack in this reading, but I’m going to focus on those two words that I used at the beginning and what they might mean for us.
“O Lord of hosts, if only you will look on the misery of your servant and remember me and not forget your servant but will give to your servant a male child, then I will set him before you as a nazirite until the day of his death. He shall drink neither wine nor intoxicants,[d] and no razor shall touch his head.”
How often do we say or think something like that in the church? If only we had more people. If only there weren’t Sunday shopping or sports. If only we could bring back the youth. If only we had more parking? If only we had the right minister? 😉
‘If only’ is a powerful and often bittersweet emotion that reflects longing, regret, or a desire for things to be different than they are. It’s the sense that life could have been better, more complete, or more fulfilling if a particular event had gone another way, if a choice had been different, or if a certain opportunity had been taken. It’s often tied to our deep-seated beliefs about control and purpose. ‘If only’ can lead us to dwell on the past, replaying scenarios where we might have made different decisions, imagining how those alternate paths might have led us to a place of greater happiness, success, or fulfillment. It can also reveal our vulnerability, showing how much we wish we could influence the outcomes of our lives in ways that aren’t always possible.
While the ‘if only’ feeling can be painful, it’s also an expression of hope and desire for something better. It speaks to our innate longing to make meaning of our experiences and to seek out the best versions of ourselves and our lives. It’s a reminder of our humanity, that even in the midst of regret or longing, there’s always room for grace and transformation.
What if… 😊, what if we change our ‘if onlys’ to ‘what ifs?’ What if we pray for God to show us what breaks God’s heart in our community and do something to heal it? What if we already have all we need for the ministry God is calling us to? What if we are thankful for every single thing in our lives, even the troubled spots?
On this Thanksgiving Sunday, I see so much to give thanks for in this faith community… you named them earlier! We don’t have to live with if onlys… we can live if what ifs!
Thanks be to God for the challenge and the opportunity of being the church in this time and place, amen.
1 Samuel 1: 1-20
October 13, 2024 – Thanksgiving
St. James United Church Dartmouth 